GOTTA LET IT GO

Today I am focusing on looking toward the future, being happy for today and not dwelling on the past...so much easier said than done.

I had my appointment with the new doctor (aka dr #3) last week. He came highly recommended from a couple friends as a skilled endo surgeon. He gave me a completely different (and much better!) diagnosis than my former doctor, dr #2. He is not hesitant to perform the much needed surgery, my only option to stop my endless pain. I am a great candidate for a robotic laproscopy!

Dr #2 started me on a six month Zoladex treatment in March, by injecting a three month time-released capsule into my abdomen. Dr #2's office informed me after my incomplete laproscopy in February, that this six month treatment was going to cost $3,840, and none of it would be covered by my insurance! I was only able to start the treatment in March because I was hospitalized due to severe pain. After speaking to my patient advocate, she explained a way to cover the medication simply by coding it differently. Therefore, dr #2 not only prescribed a scary drug that I did not need, but I almost paid close to $4,000 (that I do not have) for it!

Dr #3 explained why all this was unnecessary. This means the drug in my abdomen that is confusing my brain into a fake menopause is FOR NOTHING...But I gotta let it all go. All the misinformation from dr #2, who had the nerve to perform surgery on me TWICE that he was not qualified to do. And I have to let go that I ALLOWED him to cut me open TWICE.

After being unable to complete my surgeries and leaving me in severe pain, dr #2 made another shocking decision. He willingly left me with no options to manage my severe pain & just didn't give a shit. He knew that I was in debilitating pain every day of my life; he saw with his own eyes the severity of my situation. And instead of continuing to prescribe the pain medicine that was the only reason I can get out of bed each day, he told me to go to the ER. I gotta let that go too, and it's an incredibly hard one to let go.

I am beyond grateful for the care of the new doctor, dr #3. He doesn't understand why my issues weren't handled FIVE years ago, and I don't fucking understand either!! The very first doctor (dr #1) who diagnosed my endo, she performed my first laproscopy with the intent to remove an ovarian cyst detected by ultrasound. She discovered the extensive endo & DID NOTHING. Instead, she referred me out of her practice to the less qualified dr #2. I had to fight my insurance company for over eight months to cover the surgery because dr #2 was not in network. Five years and three unfinished laproscopies later, I am referred to my new, competent doctor #3. Here's the main thing I gotta let go...dr #3 is in the same practice as dr #1. WHY THE HELL DIDN'T SHE JUST REFER ME TO HIM FIVE YEARS AGO??????????? It would have saved me five years of severe pain, countless hours of suffering, and thousands of dollars. Dr #3 asked this very important question during our first appointment. I hope he asks dr #1, who is still part of his practice, for a damn explanation. But that won't turn back time anyway.

See why it is easier said than done?!

For my own health though, I need to take the lessons learned and move forward. I need to thank God for my blessings and pray for my recovery after the next laproscopy, scheduled in five weeks. I can see a pain-free existence in my future, and nothing else really matters besides that.

Take a deep breath, and let it all go...