RELUCTANT RECOLLECTIONS

Around this time last year, I started experiencing panicky moments.  I was uncharacteristically stressed out, as everyday tasks overwhelmed me.  I felt particularly pressured about Christmas.  This had never happened to me before; I had always loved Christmastime.  I found myself crying over simple matters.  When my husband suggested I shop for our Christmas Eve & Christmas necessities without him, I felt like I couldn't breathe & started bawling.  He seemed perplexed by my reaction (as was I), but he sweetly agreed to go without me & handled all of it.  I stayed home & beat myself up.  I couldn't shake my anxiety & it tormented me. 

Looking back on it a year later, I have some perspective.  When my endo raged, it was in late January.  I can now imagine the endo was spreading inside of me, relentlessly attacking my organs.  I looked healthy on the outside, but I was sick on the inside.  It makes sense to me now-- this was the source of my panic.  The storm was on the horizon, threatening my very existence.  My body was reaching the end of what could be tolerated.  I was soon to be in constant, debilitating pain.

It's difficult for me to think about that time.  Winter has arrived again & its luggage includes troubling memories from last year.  I'm trying to focus on my countless blessings & gratitude for surviving that horrible time in my life.  When it was happening, I couldn't envision the day my pain would end.  I tried, but the pain gave me tunnel vision; all I could see ahead was never-ending darkness.

This year, we are hosting our family Christmas for the first time.  My husband asked if it was going to be too stressful for me.  He didn't want to agree to it if I was going to be miserable.  I saw his own recollection of last year written on his face.  I explained he would need to help me; he assured me he would.  Our eyes met for a moment & he smiled.  I held his hand, took a deep breath & exhaled my concerns.  I thought about what Christmas really means to me.  My favorite part of Christmas is having fun with my family.  Everyone having the whole day together to spend laughing, talking, playing & eating.  The house full of laughter during our silly white elephant gift exchange & rowdy board games (our new fave is Apples to Apples).  No one's day will be ruined if my floors are dirty, my muffins are burnt or their sweater is the wrong size.  With this realization, I embraced my old friend Christmas--wrapped my arms snug around it's neck--& happily starting planning the day.  A few people are going to stay overnight & I am so excited to have a family sleepover!  I can't wait to celebrate the beauty of Christmas with my family.  Praise God for seeing me through the worst of my disease.  I am so grateful.

My dog has the right idea--relax & enjoy the holidays!

the stockings were hung by the fire with care

How do you handle holiday stress?  What is your favorite family holiday tradition?  Has your health ever threatened your holiday fun?  Please leave a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

NEW ENDO FRIENDO PAGE - FOOD JOURNAL

Hey Friendos!

I am excited to share my latest self-healing endo endeavor with you. I am starting to follow the diet & vitamin recommendations from the book, "Endometriosis: A Key to Healing and Fertility Through Nutrition" by Dian Shepperson Mills & Michael Vernon.

I have been feeling some of the all-too-familiar symptoms of my endo: stomach pains, back pain, bloated belly, gas pains & (I think my husband would concur) moodiness. My symptom-free days sure were nice while they lasted, but I know it's time to get serious about my health and nutrition. I confess, I haven't been paying much attention & have eaten (or not eaten) whatever I've wanted. I've been drinking too much coffee & therefore not eating until the afternoon.

So to help keep me on track, I have started another page on this blog, titled "FOOD JOURNAL." Here, I will document my diet, vitamins & supplements, & experiences along the way. If you want to check it out, you can find the page on the right hand side of the blog.

As always, I give you my disclaimer. I am NOT a doctor or medical professional. I am just sharing my personal experiences with you, not providing medical advice of any kind. At all.

I hope to soon experience the benefits of my diet change. I'll keep you updated & please comment! I would love to hear from other endo sisters about their dietary choices.

(p.s. If you decide to purchase this book or any other product from Amazon, I encourage you to go to www.chronichealing.com first, then click on the Amazon ad on the left side of the blog. This will instantly take you to amazon.com & you can begin shopping. Doing so will help support the wonderful Jeanne & her excellent blog. It doesn't cost you anything but a second of your time. Thanks!)

WICKED ITCH OF THE YEAST

My first day home after my amazing vacation, I started to feel the burning symptoms of a yeast infection. Nothing like a yeast invasion to burst your bubble, huh? Wow, did my soaring bubble deflate fast.

This is the fourth occurrence ever for me. I count myself lucky, considering how many women suffer repeat infections. I have a friendo who is her mid-30s who has never had one. Most women are shocked when she states this fact, as they cringe at the memory of theirs.

That first morning, I started out with a homeopathic remedy, including vaginal suppositories & external cream. I tried this for three days. Though it was a seven day supply, by the third day, I was losing my mind & had to try something else (anything else!). So I bought a one-day Monistat pack, including wipes, external cream & suppository. The external cream exacerbated the itchy (my crotch is on fire!) torture. I had to resign to seeing a doctor. But since it was Sunday, I would have to wait one more day. (aahhh!).

My friendo (the never-had-a-yeast-infection and fellow EndoSister) had called me on Saturday to ask if I wanted to hike with her Sunday morning. I revealed my inconvenient, unbearable situation & told her that my vagina may not want to cooperate with her plan. She quickly responded, "well...you tell your vagina that it has ruled this roost for too long & it's time for her to be nice or you are going to start using tampons again." I laughed so hard I thought I'd stop breathing. And Sunday morning, despite the pain, I sucked it up & took a hike with her. I spent that night tossing in agitation, barely sleeping at all.

In the morning, my condition was much worse. My husband called from work to relay some information about banking or bills or something important to me & I had to stop him mid-sentence & say, "Baby, I'm not going to remember anything you are saying. All my brain can think about is how horrific my vaj feels right now. Let's talk about this later, ok?" He was sweet & tried to empathize. Feeling sorry for myself, I spouted something about how I was being punished for having so much fun last week & my loud declaration (& blog post) about how terrific I was feeling. I thanked him & quickly hung up the phone, sparing him anymore of my ranting.

As fate would have it, I then listened to my cell messages & discovered I had a long-ago-scheduled appointment for today (Monday) with my previous OBGYN, that I had totally forgotten about. It feels like a lifetime has occurred since the last time I saw this doctor. She's the one who referred me to dr #2 for my endometriosis. I had been thinking about the importance of contacting this doctor to explain that dr #2 should not be receiving referrals as an endo surgeon/specialist, based on my experiences. And more importantly, who she should/could be sending patients to see for help. The opportunity presented itself to have this conversation, courtesy of my wicked yeast infection. So I took it.

The doctor listened to the abbreviated version of the last nine months of my endo story. (As my brain shouted, vagina is burning!!! Make it stop!) She expressed empathy through it all. I raved about my new doctor (dr #3) & his knowledge & skills as an endo surgeon. I hope & pray she remembers my story the next time she needs to make a referral for a case like mine.

Hence, even my yeast infection has a silver lining.

I suffered through the brief (felt-like-hours) exam. The last thing my vagina wanted was to be poked & prodded. This is always true, but especially in this irritated state. She decided it was safe to say it was a yeast infection & prescribed an oral dose of Diflucan. I had never taken a pill to treat my previous ones, so this was a surprise. I kicked myself for waiting four days to get checked out & find relief.

Twelve hours after taking the one Diflucan (aka Fluconazole) pill, I was already feeling somewhat better. I can actually think about something besides a scorching vagina. So I feel like I'm heading in the right direction on the (yellow brick) road to recovery.

Ding dong, can't wait till this wicked itch is dead!

OUR BODIES, OURSELVES

Here's a tried & true fave book of mine.


I discovered OBOS a few years ago while perusing bookstore shelves. It has been a helpful resource for me ever since. I wish I would have owned it when I was a young girl. What a great gift for daughters, granddaughters, nieces (or any young woman) to help educate them about their bodies and encourage them to take an active role in their health. Though much progress has been made, unfortunately many subjects about women's health remain taboo & myths continue to thrive. OBOS offers detailed information to debunk these myths & encourage self awareness.

Click here for a link to all their publications. If you are interested, you can also sign up for their newsletter or follow their blog on this website.