GONE AT LAST

A song for you, my Friendos.

Click here to hear it.

xo

HER SUNSHINE

Today is the day of my Momma's birth. She would have turned 60 years old. I shared my celebration of her birthday with you last year. It started a new tradition and my family is celebratng her life and birthday again this year. It's difficult not to be sad when I think of her, but I am trying not to let my sorrow shadow the beauty of her life.

Momma's favorite song to sing to us was You Are My Sunshine. I've always carried her tune with me. I sang it to my sweet son countless times. Her sunshine lives on in her family. Her love radiates through all of us.

I wonder how she would have wanted to spend her 60th birthday. I wish she was here--today and always.

Happy birthday Mom.

MERRY GIRL

March has flown by and Endometriosis Awareness Month is almost over. I've been thinking about all of my endo struggles. I never could have made it through my worst times without my loved ones. It's difficult to watch someone you love suffer in constant pain. I recognized their feelings of helplessness and worry. Today I want to share one of the stories of support I received from my family.

When I was very ill, I spent every minute in my home. It was impossible for me to handle everyday tasks. I was nauseous and doubled over in pain, not an ideal scenario for toilet scrubbing or vacuuming. When you're at home all day, you're forced to constantly interact with the filth and clutter. You have to look at it, walk by it, shuffle it around and dig through it. You are constantly reminded you aren't well enough to complete the simplest of tasks. I felt worthless and guilty.

During this time, my aunt gave me the most thoughtful gift. She arranged for Merry Maids to deep clean my entire house. Professionals had never cleaned my home. The idea thrilled me.

Before their arrival, my family sorted our junk and put away the clutter. People joke about cleaning before your cleaning crew arrives, but you really do need to declutter so they can thoroughly clean.

I don't know about merry, but the maids were nice and sweet. I was very merry though! My house had never been so clean. Every surfaced sparkled. They cleaned behind my fridge and furniture. They polished my ceiling fans. The windows and mirrors were spotless and the sinks shined. We could have eaten off the floors.

I rejoiced in the cleanliness of each space.

After the deep cleaning, it was much easier for us to keep our home tidy. My feelings of guilt diminished. I felt at peace and comforted in my home.

I was so grateful for my aunt's sweet gift. My clean house sincerely renewed my body, spirit and mind.

If you're looking for a way to help a sick loved one, helping her achieve a clean house is priceless.

LUCKY IRISH GIRL

Thanks for all the love and support friendos.

I am feeling better today. Just in time too, because my friendo scored us front-row seats to a local university's fashion show. I'm excited. I've never been to a fashion show. I need a girls' night out.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! I just finished some errands and enjoyed seeing all the green-clad folks about town. I happen to be an Irish girl, so I particularly love this fun holiday. People always seem cheery on St. Patty's Day. (Which may or may not be attributed to the green beer and shenanigans).

I hope you are enjoying your day!

IT'S A MAJOR AWARD

Fun news! My lovely friendo Jenny at Jendometriosis awarded me the "I Love this Blog Award." Thank you Jenny! I am so honored and excited.

I am as giddy as the dad in A Christmas Story. "It's a major award!"

Here's how it works:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award

2. Share 7 things about yourself

3. Award up to 15 blogs that are deserving

4. Contact those bloggers and let them know about the award

Seven random things about me:

1. Everyone in my immediate family has a first name that starts with the letter J. (We did it before the Duggars & there are way less of us).

2. Euchre is my favorite game. (I have euchred my cousin's loaners TWICE. I work it into our conversations as often as possible).

3. If I'm in my car, you can bet I am singing. (Sometimes my pointer finger is flying around too). Music makes my soul shout.

4. I overuse exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. I constantly have lyrics running through my mind and can turn any moment into a song. (I particularly like to incorporate my dog into songs: Black dog singing in the dead of night; Tyson in the Sky with Diamonds; Tyson's just a dog in the world etc.).

6. I wish I could hang out with the Muppets and rock out with Electric Mayhem.

7. I read my son every word of every Harry Potter book. (And he listened and enjoyed every word!). We dressed up for the local Harry Potter festivals and waited in line at midnight to receive our copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It was an unforgettable moment of pure magic.

I would like to share the love with the following extraordinary bloggers. Drum roll please.

My "I Love this Blog Awards" go to:

Alanna my fave frogger of The Chipper Writer

Amanda over at The Patch

Caf from Rellacafa

Endochick from Endometriosis: the Silent Life Sentence

The lovely ladies from Bitter Orange and Brown

I would have also chosen Jeanne from Chronic Healing, but Jenny beat me too it. :) And I would have picked Jenny too. I love her blog.

Each of you are inspiring writers and I adore your witty, insightful and informative blogs. You rock!

Thanks again Jenny! You made my day. What a fun way to spread the blog love and support other bloggers.

WHISTLE WHILE YOU LIVE

I'm blessed with the kindest father. He lives his life as a happy man.

He's a whistler. It's a mellow, joyful kind of whistle. Not harsh or shrill. Never seems to be an actual song, just a peppy tune of random notes. It epitomizes his life. He happily moves through each day with a smile on his face & a whistle on his lips. He inspires me to look on the bright side of life. It's impossible to be grouchy whilst whistling. When I am feeling blue, I try to think of my dad & whistle. It always puts a smile on my face.

HERE WE GO AGAIN

My frustration level has hit an all time high!!

My former employer has filed another appeal for my unemployment (what is wrong with these people?!). Now I will have to attend a hearing to fight their idiotic, false claims. Unbelievable!

I am still trying to secure an individual medical insurance plan for my family. I sure don't feel like my medical history is private. I can't believe the questions they ask. It should not be this difficult to find insurance. It's not right!

I just got a letter from a third party affiliate of my former insurance company asking me questions about my recent medical treatment. How is this not a violation of my medical privacy rights? They are trying to ascertain whether someone else may be at fault for my condition, so they won't have to pay my claims. What kind of BS is that?? It's ridiculous! One of the questions was - Was your medical treatment caused by a work related incident? What?? Umm no, I didn't fall down at work & contract Endometriosis. Really?!?

Ughhhh! I better just stop typing now. I'm too angry. No more phone calls for me today. I'm going to go outside & enjoy the gorgeous weather. (Thanks for letting me vent).

At least angry Homer made me smile.

THE ITCHY AND SCRATCHY SHOW

My wicked itch has improved, so I've downgraded my condition to, The Itchy and Scratchy Show. Hopefully, like a brief spot on a Simpsons episode, I will chuckle & the show quickly will move on. And I'll forget all about it because so many other funny things have happened in-between.

I guess that's why I still proudly proclaim my love for the Simpsons, even after all these years. No matter what my mood, Homer can always, always make me laugh. I was wishing the new season started tonight, but it looks like I'll have to wait one more week.

 one of my all-time fave t-shirts

WELL...I SPOKE TOO SOON

I just received notification from unemployment that my former employer filed an appeal to my case. I am disgusted & appalled. I guess they feel they haven't put me through enough already.

It's okay though, because I haven't done anything wrong & I have proof. If they want me to fight, I'll fight. And I'm going to do it with a smile.

 slap 'em with a smile

TWO WEEKS POST-SURGERY

Hey Strangers!

Two weeks have come & gone since my surgery. I have been resting, healing & slowly nursed back to health. Every day is better than the last. Every day is another step away from the hell I was living. I am blessed & grateful to be here. Praise God!

I'm still experiencing pain, still on the Vicodin...but I anticipate the end is near. I can tell the pain is from the surgery & it's different from the pain I endured for the last five months. My doctor assures me I am going to feel like a new woman & I feel confident that I will.

I'm still not up to writing all the details of the surgery, but I will soon.

For now, I am thrilled to be on the other side of this surgery, looking back. I am so excited to leave my house for reasons other than going to the hospital. We may even head to the lake on Saturday! Just for fun! I barely remember what it's like to make plans & have a good time. I know if I'm not up for it this weekend, it won't be long till I am.

I am so happy to blog again & look forward to interacting with y'all again!

Sincere thanks to all of you for your prayers, support & understanding. You helped me maintain my sanity.

Talk to you soon!

SUNSHINE & SMILES

It's a beautiful, sunshiny day out there. I wish I felt better so I could go for an around-the-lake hike. But I don't, so I'm enjoying the sun on my porch instead.

I discovered some new music in my mailbox yesterday, sent to me by my sweet friend. This is one of the songs. It's so perfect for today & it is making me smile! Xave is my fave!! Hope you enjoy it too.

LAUGHTER ENSUES...ALWAYS

As an unfortunate consequence of my postponed surgery, AF paid another uninvited visit. I removed my Nuva Ring at home before I left for the hospital, so it was out for over five hours. I guess since it was almost the end of the three week cycle, my (poor, confused) body thought it was time for a period. My already high-level pain has increased. It's not cool. 

Anyway, I have a few posts I want to share on the topic of menstruation, so it seems like good timing. Here's the first one...

I received the letter below as a forwarded email some time ago, so you may have already read it. As I do with all chain emails, I looked it up on snopes.com. Here's what snopes has to say. I really don't care if the author's real name is Wendi, or if she actually sent this letter to P&G. I could read it seven thousand times and still laugh until I cry. I say, right on sister! And wish I could have her over for dinner. Enjoy!

"This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.


Dear Mr. Thatcher,


I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.


Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?


As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.


The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'


Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.


For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong',


Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. 


Best,


Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX"

DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR CONTROL...

Hey friendos! You are never going to believe this but...my surgery was CANCELED. So I'm doing fine, at least physically.


I thought I had prepared & thought of every possible scenario. Well, I was wrong. Everything started off fine. I was admitted, put on my gown, had my IV in place. I was listening to my guided imagery, feeling calm & ready. My nurse informed me that my surgery was going to be delayed one or two hours. I was disappointed, but figured I would just use the time to listen to my guided imagery. When the nurses had me prepped, my husband came back to wait with me.


My nurse moved us to a room with a TV since our wait was extended. Then she came back & said my doctor was on the phone & needed to speak with me. That's when my stomach dropped. I knew he did not have good news. He explained there were issues with the surgery before mine & it was expected to take several hours longer than expected. The hospital only has one robotic laparoscopy machine, and therefore my surgery was likely going to have to be rescheduled. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! My first thought was the torturous bowel prep that I endured the day before. How could that have been for nothing? And how could I force myself to do it again? I looked desperately at my husband & gave him the thumbs down sign. His face, his entire body, sank. I started to cry. How could I just get dressed & go home? I couldn't!


We decided to wait another half hour & reassess at that time. My empty stomach growled. I hadn't taken my pain medication since midnight & was in severe pain. I talked my doctor into giving me something for my pain while I waited. Forty-five minutes later, he called again. Surgery today was an impossibility. He apologized. He said he never had to cancel a surgery before. This did not make me feel better. I looked at my husband & cried some more.


I wanted to yell, but at who? It wasn't anyone's fault & no one was happy about the situation. I thought about the woman who was in surgery & prayed for her. I could only imagine the seriousness of her situation & what she was going through.


I explained to my doctor that I was likely going to lose my job over this. I have already used all of my FMLA time, and my work had given me a thirty day extension as an "accommodation." I was scheduled to return to work on May 23rd. They could have legally fired me when my FMLA ran out. They have no legal obligation to allow me any more time off. I carry my health insurance with them; if I lose my job, I lose my health insurance. He said he would have the head nurse come to speak to me. She provided me with documentation regarding what had occurred. I can only hope it will be enough for me to keep my job & insurance.


So I had my IV removed, got dressed & left the hospital. My husband took me for a quiet, delicious lunch. We talked & tried to stay positive. It must have happened for a reason. Maybe something terrible would've happened to me if I had surgery today. I looked for the blessing in disguise & trusted God was looking out for us.


My new surgery date is June 9th. Four more weeks! There is a small chance he will have a cancellation before then, but it's very unlikely. I have to wrap my head around four more weeks of this life. I have no choice but to stay positive & wait. 

ANOTHER UNINVITED GUEST

I thought of the following analogy today.

My endo is like Cousin Eddie. You know, from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Endo showed up unannounced and uninvited, disrupted my entire life, threatened my job, demanded my full attention, and cost me money...just like Cousin Eddie did.

I look forward to watching this movie each Christmas season. It still makes me laugh, year after year.

Thanks for the smile today, Cousin Eddie.

LITTLE MISS ENDO

When I was little, my Aunt Christy had the most impressive collection of Little Miss & Mr. Men books by Roger Hargreaves. They are my favorite childhood books. Today as I sat here in pain, I was looking for a way to turn my frown upside. Here's what I came up with:

I present to you my friendos, my very own collection of Little Miss Endo.

Little Miss Heating Pad~No adventures for her. She has to stay plugged in after all, so she can't stray far from the wall. She's often curled up in the fetal position. Not the most exciting book.

Her cousin Little Miss Microwaveable Heating Pad is pretty boring too. She constantly has to reheat her pad & drinks lots of cold tea to reduce the heating-pad-induced sweats.

Little Miss Migraine~Poor girl, everything makes her head pound: sound, light, movement, touch. She can barely function. Sometimes it even makes her vomit.

Little Miss Horrid Cramps~It's impossible to be comfortable when enduring stomach & back cramps. She's screwed. She can barely walk and don't be surprised if she doubles over in pain. Don't misunderstand, she's a tough cookie. But everybody has a limit.

Little Miss Putrid Gas~There's no politely holding these in folks. When they bubble up, she's gotta let 'em out. They'll make you gag & run, no doubt. She may try to implicate Mr. Dog. He doesn't mind taking one for the team because he senses her pain.
 
Little Miss Weepy~Even the stupidest of commercials will make her sob. She craves a good chick flick. Indulge her & give her a hug. She might get your shirt wet, but it will dry.

Little Miss Wino~She often slurs her words, but she seems to be the happiest Little Miss Endo.

Little Miss Pissy~Just bring her dark chocolate & let her be. Anything else will just piss her off anyway. (That doesn't mean you didn't do something infuriating, by the way, so don't blame her for everything).

Little Miss Out of Sick Days~It sucks to be her, because she's forced to suffer AND be at work. She feels obligated to fake a smile and pretend like she's fine. It's exhausting. If only she could take a nap in the conference room without getting caught.

Little Miss Rage~She's angry, but can you blame her? She feels terrible. I love that she doesn't take crap from anybody. Even Mr. Tickle knows he better keep his long-ass arms away from her. Because unfortunately, right now, nothing is funny.

Little Miss Bloated~Her comfy pajama pants are her most treasure possession. Sometimes, she can't zip up her jeans, and that makes her sad. So she just wears her pjs for the entire story. They are really cute; I want a pair.

Little Miss Relieved~She finally stops bleeding & can return to skipping around with her buddy Little Miss Sunshine once again. Well, at least for now, that is. Their periods have synced up, so they make a harmonious duo.

I'd love to hear your Little Miss Endo comments & character suggestions!

WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN?

If you are reading this, then I am beyond ecstatic you are reading my first ever blog post! Wow.

I am seeking any way I can imagine to live with Endometriosis in positive energy, hope & light. And with silly, sarcastic humor. Mostly, I don't want to stop laughing every day. Not ever, for any reason.

Since you are so nice to stop by & read my (carefully or not-so-carefully chosen) words, I hope I can repay you, my old or new Friend, with some variety of a laugh, giggle, or chuckle. If your laugh happens to uncontrollably morph into a snort, well, then I'm gonna call that a fantastic day!

But realistically there are going to be days that, despite my best efforts, this shit is just not funny. So I will also share knowledge, facts, links, resources, truths & stories. Really anything helpful I can get my eyes or hands on. I hope you will follow my blog & share your comments & wisdom. And sometimes leave me with a giggle-turned-snort of my own.

Too many women suffer with numerous, sometimes debilitating & crazy-scary, symptoms of this disease. I plan & pray to see the day we find a cure & are forever Done with Endo. But I am smart enough to know I can't do it alone, we have to ban together as one to End Endo.

Thanks for your time, I hope you come back.

Your Friendo in Endo
Jenn (since it rhymes, I will also answer to Jenndo)