GONE AT LAST

A song for you, my Friendos.

Click here to hear it.

xo

ONE YEAR LATER

Today marks another anniversary. My last surgery took place one year ago today. It is hard to believe an entire year has already passed.

I'm happy to report that I am feeling quite well. I still have rough days each month, but they don't compare to the misery I experienced before my surgery. Endo no longer consumes my every thought, nor does it stop me from living a happy life. I am truly blessed.

I just read a few of my posts from last year. It's difficult to revisit that hell. I want to believe I will never be in such a terrible condition again, but I know my endo is unruly and unpredictable. So I try to remember to enjoy every possible moment.

I know I haven't been posting much on here lately, but my endo sisters are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Cheers to one year!

SWEET & BITTER MOTHER'S DAYS

Mother's Days of my childhood were dreaded occasions. I preferred the holiday to quickly pass as I kept my head down, eyes focused on the floor. I tried to ignore the vacant, hollow space in my life. The holiday highlighted the enormous difference between me and every other child I knew. I no longer had a mother. She had been dead for three months by the Mother's Day of my kindergarten year.

As each Mother's Day approached and projects were proudly or mindlessly completed by my classmates, I hoped for invisibility. I silently worked on my project to give to my grandma. My objective as I created my craft was to secure a facial expression void of my thoughts. I can't imagine I was good at the task then because I certainly can't pull it off now. My emotions tend to be as obvious and readable as the words on a giant, flashing billboard.

Years passed. I studied my friends' relationships with their mothers. I envied most of them and understood none of them. I continued to celebrate Mother's Days with my dear grandma.

Then came the Mother's Day when my belly swelled with the life of my son. A new meaning for the holiday--a never-experienced joyous celebration--was growing, soon to be born. My life as a mother about to unfold. Another first in my life I could not share with my own mother. My grandma lived to share the first year of my son's life with me. Three days after his first birthday, I lost her too.

I thank God for safely delivering my son to my arms and trusting me with his care, for the blessings he brings, for the life, laughter and love that has shined on my family for the last sixteen Mother's Days.

I miss my mom and my grandma; I am blessed with my son. It's the forever paradox of my Mother's Days.

I wish a beautiful Mother's Day to all of my readers. I know I am not the only one whose sadness is triggered by this holiday. Other daughters who miss their mothers understand my pain. Women who yearn to be mothers experience sorrow. Mothers who have lost a child mourn. My prayers are with all of you and I hope you have loved ones to offer you support today and always.

HER SUNSHINE

Today is the day of my Momma's birth. She would have turned 60 years old. I shared my celebration of her birthday with you last year. It started a new tradition and my family is celebratng her life and birthday again this year. It's difficult not to be sad when I think of her, but I am trying not to let my sorrow shadow the beauty of her life.

Momma's favorite song to sing to us was You Are My Sunshine. I've always carried her tune with me. I sang it to my sweet son countless times. Her sunshine lives on in her family. Her love radiates through all of us.

I wonder how she would have wanted to spend her 60th birthday. I wish she was here--today and always.

Happy birthday Mom.

HELP RAISE AWARENESS

Wait, it's the end of March already...how did that happen? (And why is the ground covered in snow??)

On the last day of Endometriosis Awareness Month, I would like to post a friendoly reminder about the Endometriosis Awareness Petition. If you haven't already, please take a moment to sign it and spread the word to others. I am overjoyed each time I see the signature count rise.We encourage everyone to sign and share. Click the blue box below to be redirected to the petition page.

Endometriosis needs attention from the general public and the medical community. Far too many people have never heard of this common incurable disease. Unfortunately when endo does get media attention, myths and misinformation are often spread.

We have to fight and speak up. Every voice counts.

March may be over tomorrow, but our need for endometriosis awareness does not stop in April. It lasts all year.

Thanks to all the people who took part in endometriosis awareness this month. You are appreciated.

Thank you for your support!

MY 1ST BLOGIVERSARY

I just celebrated my first blogiversary! I can't believe an entire year has passed. Thanks to my awesome friendo Alanna for sharing the blogiversary celebration idea. You can read Alanna's post here, who was inspired by her friend Kass.

I created my blog in the midst of the most difficult period of my life. I felt scared, isolated and overwhelmed as I suffered in terrible pain each day. I overcame my fear of entering the blogosphere and decided to share my story. I reluctantly reached out to the world to discuss the personal topic of my health. I didn't know if anyone would ever read my words. I was unaware of how many other women were blogging about their lives with endometriosis and other chronic illnesses.

I never could have guessed the blessings I would receive from writing my blog. I have met wonderful friendos. We share our triumphs and tribulations as we navigate our complicated journeys with an incurable disease. My friendos help me remain positive, humorous and hopeful. I am inspired by their support and understanding. 

A whole year has come and gone filled with varying emotions, circumstances and issues. I can look back on it now with a new perspective. My posts, like a rear view mirror, reflect a year's worth of my reality: the pain, miracles, despair and elation. My blog helped me realize I want to write a book, a memoir, about my life with endo.

A year later, I haven't run out of topics or ideas. What a lovely surprise. I'm excited to see what the next year will bring!

If only I could figure out how to share cupcakes on my blog...

MERRY GIRL

March has flown by and Endometriosis Awareness Month is almost over. I've been thinking about all of my endo struggles. I never could have made it through my worst times without my loved ones. It's difficult to watch someone you love suffer in constant pain. I recognized their feelings of helplessness and worry. Today I want to share one of the stories of support I received from my family.

When I was very ill, I spent every minute in my home. It was impossible for me to handle everyday tasks. I was nauseous and doubled over in pain, not an ideal scenario for toilet scrubbing or vacuuming. When you're at home all day, you're forced to constantly interact with the filth and clutter. You have to look at it, walk by it, shuffle it around and dig through it. You are constantly reminded you aren't well enough to complete the simplest of tasks. I felt worthless and guilty.

During this time, my aunt gave me the most thoughtful gift. She arranged for Merry Maids to deep clean my entire house. Professionals had never cleaned my home. The idea thrilled me.

Before their arrival, my family sorted our junk and put away the clutter. People joke about cleaning before your cleaning crew arrives, but you really do need to declutter so they can thoroughly clean.

I don't know about merry, but the maids were nice and sweet. I was very merry though! My house had never been so clean. Every surfaced sparkled. They cleaned behind my fridge and furniture. They polished my ceiling fans. The windows and mirrors were spotless and the sinks shined. We could have eaten off the floors.

I rejoiced in the cleanliness of each space.

After the deep cleaning, it was much easier for us to keep our home tidy. My feelings of guilt diminished. I felt at peace and comforted in my home.

I was so grateful for my aunt's sweet gift. My clean house sincerely renewed my body, spirit and mind.

If you're looking for a way to help a sick loved one, helping her achieve a clean house is priceless.